SPEAKER_01 0:30

My name is Kristen Winters. I am a real estate agent with Long and Foster. I work primarily out of the office in Purcellville, Virginia, but I actually work all over the place and I am licensed in West Virginia as well. So I serve Northern Virginia, actually, actually all over Virginia, and then also into West Virginia as well, mostly um Jefferson and Berkeley counties, because that's just geographically close.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

And you have good fashion too with that nice velvet blue jacket.

Meet Kristen Winters

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Thank you so much. Tell me a little bit, how did you get into this whole world of real estate? Tell me the story. Take me back.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Okay. So I'm so glad you asked me that question. Um, because the how I got into real estate and uh all of the things that I have done to get here today at this point uh are all they all contribute to why I feel passionate about my job and why I love real estate so much and and the reasons why it integrates so seamlessly into my life and the lifestyle that I have wanted. So it, I mean, I could, we don't have that much time, so I won't go that far back. Girl, take me as far back as you want. So I am I am originally from Kansas, born and raised uh my whole life. Uh we moved after 2008, the economy was terrible. My husband at the time lost his job. We um we moved out here for his employment and it and then got divorced. So it was it was sort of just a big mess. And so I had this like a long period of time um that was sort of just like swimming with the wreckage of all of that, I feel like, here in northern Virginia as a single mom with two small children. So during that time, I I had been doing some web design work in Kansas. And that's like I've I've done a variety of things in my lifetime. And so, and you know, and it's all ever like one thing leads to another. And like I said, we do, we totally we do not have all day. But at that time I was doing web design work. And so when I moved here, I got a job with Gannette, the USA Today company, doing kind of the same thing I was doing for the newspaper, this line of journal where I worked in Kansas. And so that was my introduction to the corporate world where I then stayed for almost 10 years. And that was, I guess that was sort of like the diamond factory for me because you know, I'm a more of a creative person, I'm more of a soft skills person. All of the skills I feel like I have a strength were not needed at that job. And so I the whole all those years there, I I I kept that job because it was a good job. It was a good salary, the hours were flex. The commute was terrible, of course, but with the flex hours, it was okay. You know, and I it was a good atmosphere. It was, you know, they were sort of into that whole tech atmosphere. So, you know, like we had ping pong tables and beanbags and you know,

Corporate Life and Its Challenges

SPEAKER_01 3:54

all of that. So in a way, it was a cush job, but then at the same time, it sort of depends on who you are, because it was also it also kind of felt like a trap, you know, and and that corporate culture is just unforgiving. And especially if you're in tech, I was one of the few women that were there. And being, I was a a housewife from Kansas in on teams with, you know, like like tech bros who were like just got out of college. Like they're all in their 20s. They I don't it's just like so. I mean, it was fine, it was fine, it was good, everybody was nice. I loved everybody. Um, I my manager was awesome. And and there are a lot of reasons why I got through that. But anyhow, to make trying to make this long story short. So I'm going along in this job, and while it's a really nice job, it also feels like soul, just soul-sucking torture. So the whole time I'm trying to figure out how to get out of it and wanting more, like something more creative, but also being like everybody is, you know, you've got to survive, you have to make a living. I gotta, you know, my I have I've got these kids. I can't, the responsibility is great. You can't starve. You know, I can't say, oh, well, I'm just gonna go make t-shirts now, and then I quit, and then we don't eat or what you know, like you just can't do that. Just the press, you know, like the pressure of survival just kept me there. And the whole time I'm thinking, like, how do how can I get out of this? How do I, what can I do? And nothing seemed to be a right fit, nothing worked. Um, I went through, you know, like an entrepreneurial, like a school, like an online thing. I was looking, looking, looking. So uh I have a background in um my bachelor's degree. I have a double major in studio art and psychology. And that's a lot of like I did counseling when I graduated, and it seemed like art therapy made a lot of sense. And so I started grad school for art therapy, but that was in 2018. And then 2020, it all like the perfect storm of just things, you know, like culminated. So I had I was trying to finish up grad school for art therapy because I got almost all the way through it, almost all the way. I the the COVID hit, my kids were at home, they were struggling with their own health issues, school issues. Uh, the company, Gannette, was shrinking. So we had gone from four people on our team to two, and I was one of the two, and plus taking on some other responsibilities as well that took up all of my stress and all of my time. All my neurosis was sucked into trying to get through, trying not to look stupid at my job. So I'm like all these skills I don't have. I'm like trying to make them work. And then also um just have to say it, menopause hit at the time. So, like everything, so grad school, all those things, it's like a I was like my kids, like that was the main thing. I'm like, they need me. I can't, I can't not spend time with them. And then the thing that pushed me over the edge, and here's where the real estate comes in finally, at long last. So here's where real estate comes in. When COVID hit and everybody could work from home, everybody was like, I'm gonna buy a house now, including me. I'm like, I can finally do this, like this finally makes sense. There's a house for sale in my neighborhood, which I loved. I live in a roundhill, kind of in the older part, and there was a house for sale, and you know, it was reasonable. I've had this job that like love hate with a decent salary the whole time. I've been saving money to buy a

The Perfect Storm of 2020

SPEAKER_01 7:30

house for down payment because you know, like, especially if you're just one person in northern Virginia, it's it's almost impossible to buy a house, to save money and buy a house. So I had this money saved up. I'm like, I'm gonna buy a house now. And you know, I was looking around. I put an offer in on that one. I'm like, yes, we're gonna live in this neighborhood forever. This is gonna be I could finally get a home for my kids. Like all my suffering will actually have paid off of it and worth it, you know, instead of just damaging. I feel like it was kind of damaging us this whole time. Like what family? Well, of course, I couldn't, I couldn't buy a house because I kept getting beat out by I couldn't buy that one or any of them because two income families, they would always choose this less of a risk. And I was so angry, so angry. I was so angry. And that's kind of when it all came together. And a friend of mine had sort of suggested kind of offhand, well, why not do real estate? And I was like, I don't, I can't, you know, what are you talking about? It was kind of a joke. And then I started thinking about it. I was like, oh my God, you're so right. This makes so much sense. You know, like this is how I can build a home for myself and my kids by helping other people also to get into their homes. And so there are so many things that go along with that. There's like, like, okay, so like in the corporate environment, you're so far, you're like making widgets. You're so far removed from like what's happened. And I I work for a company who does a thing that that adds value to society, right? They're like, it's the news. I work in the tech part. So I'm like, I'm working on the mobile apps, it's you know, like making the widgets. So it's it's far removed. So there's there's not a whole lot of purpose there, but with real estate, there's a one, like a one-to-one

Finding Purpose in Real Estate

SPEAKER_01 9:14

purpose. Like the purpose of my job is to help you build a home for your family. So there's a huge amount of purpose there. So is it worth it when I am not spending time at home and when I'm spending time with other people trying to do that? Yes, a hundred percent. A hundred percent it is. Plus, it allows me time with my kids who are teenagers now, but but as people who are parents, no, it doesn't matter if your kids are teenagers or if they're babies, I think they still need you the same amount. So I have the opportunity to be there for my kids. So I do a ton of driving around with them and we do a lot of talking and spending time together, and they're still, they still are having some. My kids have um, and this is not like family identity by any means, but um they've got um they have pots and uh ailers dan los, which is becoming more and more common now. So I don't know if anybody out there hears this can relate, but um anyway, they that's like we do a lot of working on that because it's just it's just a condition that takes a lot to maintain so that they feel really good, so that they're thriving, which they weren't thriving before. So I feel like real estate's a gift that's given me it back like time with my kids, a purpose. I'm helping people, I'm meeting people, all kinds of interesting people. You go on adventures, which I love. Like I love adventures. I love it. Like I and my some of my favorites are just like raw pieces of land where it's like you have to, some of them don't even have an address, so you have to figure it out. And sometimes you have to hike up a mountain through brambles, you know, or um, you know, just going in like some of the houses are literally old, or or they're absolutely gorgeous, which most of them are, you know, like in just like spectacular design. So you have to see all of these things. So it's really, I don't know, I I just love it. And it folds in, it's not just a a job, it's a lifestyle. And of course, like it's not perfect and it has such stressful ups and downs, but but if it has purpose, it's a hundred percent worth it. It you know, if it's not, it's not, you're not suffering for no reason, you're suffering for these these major existential reasons. Um and you know, and just kind of going back over that and and you know, like I said, I don't I just you know, just to say things that might be, I don't know, insightful or like having gone through all that, one of the reasons why I stayed in the tech field for so long is I feel like uh overconfidence is one of my traits. And I don't necessarily think that that's a good thing because I think I can do anything, but I don't think that's a good idea. You know, if if could I be a rocket scientist? Well, yes, I could do that. Would I want to be? No, because it's gonna it hurts. I'll be a really awful rocket scientist. I won't be in a culture where there are people with my similar interests, you know. I'll have to try three times as hard just to do the thing, you know. So I heard something really interesting the other day that I just wanted to kind of mention because I thought it was so it really resonated. It was actually uh uh Monica Lewin, and I'm I know we're running out of time, but Monica Lewinsky has a podcast that's really good called Reclaiming. And um, the founder of It Cosmetics was on, and she's super inspirational. If you haven't ever heard her, you should, and I can't think of her name right now, but she's really awesome. And that is a testimony to just keep going, if I have ever heard one in my life. Anyhow, she said there's a difference between self-confidence and self-worth. So I think believing that I can do anything builds self-confidence, but it can hurt self-worth if you're not in the right lane or if you're not aligned with maybe, you know, your your skill set, your aptitude set, or kind of even not it's a privileged thing to say pursue your joy, or you know, you like that's just not practical. But if

Empathy as a Superpower

SPEAKER_01 13:37

even if there's a sliver of that, then you should resonate with that. You know, like if you're in a place that there's just nothing resonating, if you're in a in an occupation or you feel stuck or and there's nothing there for you and it's just killing your soul, then yeah, go you need to change something. You can make the change, you know, you don't always have to. Just because you can doesn't mean you have to do it.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

That's perfect. And by the way, I was just looking because I'm like, she's answering no, she's answering that question, she's answering that question, she's answering this question. Okay, well I was more or less like, oh shoot, I don't want to ask her something that she's already answered.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

No, you can't. You can.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

Because if there was anything, anything else, like No, no, you're good. I just went into a where do you so where do you think yourself? I'm I'm at this point, I'm kind of like screw the questions. Um what um where do you see yourself? Especially you said, did you end up in Roundhill, by the way? Did you end up finding a house in Roundhill?

SPEAKER_01 14:35

Yes, no, I have a house. So this is also it's uh it's all been kind of like a profound journey. I I have a relationship. Like when I stopped, you know, like what I did was during 2020, I was part of the great resignation. So I just I did quit. And I took that money that I had saved for down payment on a house, and I was able to live on it for a while. So I got my real estate license, I started dating. So I have a home, I have a relationship, you know, and I and like I said, real estate is still it's very up and down. And I think if you're working in real estate and there are days where you, if you never think, you know, forget it, I'm not doing this, then I don't think you're doing it right. You know what I mean? That comes with the territory. It comes with the territory, and all of that, you know, like time and time in tech and really feeling like it's struggling to just sort of to stay on par with where everybody else is. And you know, it's sort of like it's like those bathroom floor moments or the kitchen floor moments, and then the next day you get up and you go on, you know, you do that over and over and over again. It's sort of like the self, self-confidence, and you know, and so when so I so let me tell you, so that was great preparation for the ups and downs of real estate, because it can things can your deal can fall apart, and there's not you know, it's not there's nothing you can do. There are so many people in a real estate deal that and but you're responsible for it, so you know that's hard. So you just you know it's gonna get better, you know, you're gonna figure it out, you know, you're gonna get through it and all of that. Plus, having, you know, like a therapy background, being a single mom, finding myself somewhat marginalized for a long period of time. I have a ton of empathy, and that's what I always wanted to do because the one of the reasons I I was pursuing art therapy was because, you know, with going, you know, anyone who's gone through a divorce knows it's terrible, it's painful, you know, all of the things, trauma, whatever. You want to take that pain and turn it into something positive. And that's kind of that's what I was trying to do. I was on the track, but then just got too overwhelmed and had to quit and got knocked off. But I feel like I've picked it back up again, you know, like this is what I can use my empathy for, this is what I can use my soft skills for, this is what I love all people. I'm curious about all people. It doesn't matter who you are or how much money you have or don't have or whatever. It, you know, that's I think that's at the heart of it. And I think if you just focus on that, then everything else will follow. That's beautiful. So you did get a house.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Yes. So is it in Roundhill though? Is it in the No, it's in Harper's Ferry, West Virginia. Oh my gosh, how fun!

SPEAKER_01 17:32

Yes, it is, it is. I love it. And that's like just this year, actually. So it took a while. Congratulations. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Thank you so much. And the kids, I'm sure, love having well, they do.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

My kids are so funny though.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

They're like, they're kind of shrug. You think they're excited? We got our home. I had a huge yard. I'm like, look at all this, and they're like in their rooms playing. I'm like for the love of God.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

I know. I know. But um for like for me, as long as that's fine. Like a shrug is fine. I'm like, good, that good. Acknowledgement. Yes, acknowledgement. If you're not, if you don't hate it, if this isn't stressing you out, if we can continue like on our same schedule and routine, which would happen.

unknown 18:15

It's all weird.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

Yeah, I love that. Exactly. Um, so what advice would you have? I and let me know if you feel comfortable with this, but essentially what advice would you give to parents specifically, whether it's single moms or mom and dad who do have kids who have different health issues as they're trying to either have work that full-time job, balance it. Cause I know, because I have friends who go through it, it's hard when you feel like you're by yourself. Is there a community? Is there outreach? Like what advice would you give?

SPEAKER_01 18:46

Yes, that's the that's a really, really good question. So, number one, I have a very supportive partner right now, which is awesome.

Navigating Health Challenges as Parents

SPEAKER_01 18:55

So I don't ever feel like I'm alone. So he's willing to pick up some of the slack of the things that need to be done. And he loves grocery shopping. And so diet is a big part of like the health stuff. So he's all he's 100% on board with finding things that are gonna help them. The community, yes. I would most I think the probably the best uh feel-good conversation I've had with anyone recently uh was a broker I met and had coffee with, and she had similar health problems, and so did her kids. And that felt amazing to talk to someone, because most people don't know what you're talking about. And you're or they or it's kind of a thing where they're like, you know, you can, I don't know, you like your kids are like they're tired a lot. So, like, oh you're gonna stop pushing your kids, or they're tired, or they're they're lazy, or they're why aren't they doing sports? You know, it's like all those weird things, and nobody gets it. It's just real specific. But she did. So, yes, community, find someone or find a community. Um, I I have really helpful um things that I follow on socials. So there's a there's a Northern Virginia, they call them zebras, zebras group for kids with ailers down loss and other like problems. They call like also like spoonies is a term, but I don't I feel like that that sounds too extreme sometimes. So anyway, so yes, um, social media communities, find a friend, find support, supportive partner helps a ton. But also, you know, like this doesn't this, you know, I'm here and I'm doing this stuff and it's still hard a lot. It's not like I'm at the top of the mountain and I have made it and everything is fine. It's you know, it took, it took a long time, and of course, like a lot of fails and a lot of a lot of relationship fails, a lot of obviously like job fails and stress and things to get here. But there's always but like those social media groups are always there and they're they're really helpful. Like there's a chat where people talk about doctors and things like that. So that's been really great. And uh I was gonna say one more thing about that.

SPEAKER_00 21:17

No, I don't remember when it is. You know, it's something that's interesting though, is as you were talking about the the jobs and the transitions, you had to have enough faith and overconfidence, overconfidence, right? You had to be able to like take that leap and to put some trust in yourself.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Which is hard for a lot of people, which is why they stay stuck, I think.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Yes. I would say, and thank you for bringing that up, because the number one piece of advice that I would give to anyone is to trust yourself, especially women, because I think it's a default that we don't for some reason. I don't I don't know if you know, I don't know if that's society, it's biological. Sometimes I feel like estrogen is an evil thing. Why do I feel like it makes us hate ourselves and why is that? That's not fair. So I think just uh by default, you it's it is important to trust yourself and uh just trust your intuition. Trust yourself, you don't have to be overconfident, but listen to your intuition for sure.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

Yeah, yeah. Sometimes it's like it's okay to jump first and trust that there is gonna be a net. Yes. And responsibly jump, obviously, but but sometimes we just don't feel that we have that safety net, especially as moms.

SPEAKER_01 22:43

That's right. Because it's not just us. Well, and the trust yourself goes back to that self-worth versus self-confidence. The more you trust yourself, the more

Trust Yourself and Your Worth

SPEAKER_01 22:52

self-worth you're gonna have. And I think, and thank you for taking me back here too, because I think that the one key thing I I learned from being in that corporate culture for so long, and just there, and you know, by no really fault of it, they're just because I was there needing a paycheck and stability. There's no lane for me, really. So it's like you're always at the bottom of the competence hierarchy. But I also learned like you can't let anybody else, no matter who it is, determine your value. You have to determine your value. Don't let your job determine your value. You know, somebody else uh don't let the hierarchy at work determine your value. That is not your worth. Your worth is trust yours, trusting yourself, caring about yourself, having your own back, so to speak. Or as I heard Chelsea Handler on as I follow her on my Instagram, I've heard her say, have your own back and trust yourself and determine your own self-worth. Because what you I and one of the things is like, what do I what I go to work and see every day isn't necessarily what I like I know what my potential can be, but there's really no place to express that here. Another thing that was happening during that 2020 time, I was re I was well not re-watching, but I'd never watched Game of Thrones. So I was watching, I was watching that, and Daenerys Targaryen was like a huge inspiration for a lot of my decisions. So I made it. Fill me in.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

I haven't watched Game of Thrones.

SPEAKER_01 24:29

Okay, well, she's she uh uh she's mother of dragons, so she comes from a line of people who they have dragon blood, and so they can kind of communicate with them, and so she rides a dragon around and she is leading these people into battle, and like she's giving pep talks from the back of a dragon, and people call her mother, and like she frees all these people from slavery, so then they like they love her and they come fight for her, and all of these things,

Finding Inspiration in Unexpected Places

SPEAKER_01 25:00

but like her, and she has like all of these like like epic one-liners, like um, well, I will do what queens do, I will rule, you know, like all these things, you know, like to walk around repeating stuff like yes, but like but post it in my notes, you know, like the memes of that, and then look at it and and kind of like the whole symbolism because she's like like she rose from these ashes to become who she is, and all of these things. And so I'm like, yeah, well, I'm not you know, I could I I have a I got a little dragonist target and a little bit, yes, yes. So you can kind of use like that imaginal world for inspiration, not that I I have it, you know, I don't ride a dragon. I was gonna say my conquered anything, but I'm like if it takes that big of a push.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

You've kind of you've kind of you your own dragons, right? Like your own battles and your own like if we want to. I love metaphors and analogies and all that stuff. And it's like everybody kind of has their own battles that they're dealing with. They do. We do need to be able to get on our dragon and rule like a queen. Yes, yes, absolutely, a hundred percent. I love that. That's a that's so fun. That's such a fun story. Is there anything else you would like to touch on or any pieces of advice that you would like to share before we wrap it up?

SPEAKER_01 26:30

No, just no, I think I think we covered it all. Just trust yourself, yeah, and keep going. Yeah. Trust yourself and keep on going.

SPEAKER_00 26:42

Keep swimming, like the what is that finding email? Yeah. Yes. Yes, exactly. Thank you so much for being on the episode today and for trusting yourself for showing up today and to tell your story. Thank you. Thank you so much.