Speaker 1: 0:30

My name is Christy. My pen name is Christy Redmond Palmer, because I'm an author. Services that I provide is more of you know, speaking, going out to festivals and self-help kind of things. More self-care, not really self-help.

Speaker 2: 0:47

Yeah, no, I love it. And now give me a little bit of a background about yourself how you got started in writing, writing books, what got your interest in it, all that good stuff?

Speaker 1: 0:57

Well, I always love writing short stories. That was one of my favorite classes in school was literature and speaking and doing drama and things like that. What started with the book was I found myself about 16 years ago I all of a sudden had anxiety, real bad, and had anxiety attacks. So of course they send you to therapy and they said a good way to release it is to write a journal. So in my journal I would write short stories, just different things, you know, fun things, things that were interesting to me, and I found myself writing about friends and you know, instead of you know, gossiping about them.

Speaker 1: 1:37

I thought, oh, I'll put them in this, in this journal. Hopefully no one reads it. And then, as I went through it, I thought, man, these, I could turn this into something that could help other people, because you know you're always ready to give your opinion or, you know, help to your friends. So I said it would be funny and I have a good sense of humor. So I said, oh, I can turn these around and make it fiction and not really make fun of people's. You know situations, but make light of how I could see what can going on with them. But then in my own life. It was a mess. I couldn't fix my own, so that's how bitterness came about.

Speaker 2: 2:12

I love that. And now show us the book and talk to us about the title, the name of it.

Speaker 1: 2:17

This is my baby. This is bitterness can be sweet, but the subtitle is why we do the things we do, because most people, when they think about women being bitter, being upset, it's like, oh, a man did it. A man did it. You think that's what the book's about, but really at the end of each chapter you realize that we make our own bitterness because how we deal with situations. So what I wanted to do is to take that and twist it around, because most people be like, oh, it's a bitter woman. Well, what made her bitter? So each chapter is about a different female based off of someone I know, but things that happened in their lives that I made kind of extreme and then I turned around as what we could have done different or, if we'd done some self-reflection, what could have been different.

Speaker 2: 3:01

I love that. And now, when you came up with the title, what made you want to choose this name?

Speaker 1: 3:05

Oh, because I was bitter, simple as that. Hey, honesty. And then I realized my bitterness. I grew with it and most people think bitterness makes you worse, but sometimes it makes you do a self-reflection. You think why am I so upset? What is making me so angry? Then you're like, well, maybe if I've done this, that or the other different, I thought bitterness can be sweet.

Speaker 2: 3:28

Absolutely. Where can people find?

Speaker 1: 3:29

this book. Right now it's self-published on Amazon. This is a reboot. This was originally sent out and printed in 2008. But what happened is the publisher went under and they sold it and I chased it for like two and a half years before I could get the copyright. So I have another book coming out in October so and it's kind of like a spinoff of this, but more personal about dating and getting back out there. So it'll be out October, hopefully, if I can get everything edited and done. And it's called Me, myself and you. So that's just a little tip to give you all a little bite on there.

Speaker 2: 4:09

Thank you for sharing that.

Speaker 1: 4:11

So we thought it would be good to reprint bitterness so people can kind of get an idea of how I'm writing and where my thoughts are and it's actually. It's funny. It's like it's the first time it's going out. It's doing very well actually.

Speaker 2: 4:22

Good, no, and it's a perfect start for 2025.

Speaker 1: 4:25

Yes, a refresh. Yes, definitely New year.

Speaker 2: 4:27

I love that, and now I would like to ask you about you're taking new visits, free to visit the book clubs and all of that. Talk to me a little bit about that.

Speaker 1: 4:41

Well, what I think is the best way you can read and get who I am out of the book, because you kind of get my personality, because the book's written like I'm talking to you, just like we're talking right now. I'll ask questions, I'll say things like oh, I know you're thinking this and I know you're wondering why I'm doing that. So I thought it would be really nice if I would go to some book clubs and actually let people talk to me one-on-one and ask me questions. And I think that the first time we booted well, did this book? I did that and it was. It was really fun actually and people really got to know me as a person and as an author and my background. And I'm an open book, I'm very transparent. So anything they ask, you know I'll tell them.

Speaker 2: 5:22

I absolutely love that. And then I'd like to ask you about your speaking engagements and what that entails, and like what kind of events do you go?

Speaker 1: 5:37

and like, what kind of events do you uh go? Oh, I do festivals, um, right now, um, when the birth book first went out, I did um kind of like a lot of African-American um, festivals and um, and then, um, I can't remember it's been so long right now because of what I do for a living, actually my day job. I do affordable housing, so I help with community outreach and things with that, helping people get education, help them in their homes, so I want to kind of foster those together, help young ladies and men too, if they want to. They usually don't listen to me as much, but young ladies, you know, get a career. Because I'm as funny as it is, as far as I've gone in my career. I do not have a college degree, but I'm on a higher spectrum of my career Because if you take classes, if you get certified, you don't have to do four, six, eight years in college to get a good career. And that's what I try to show my residents and that I have right now that I work with in my day-to-day.

Speaker 2: 6:37

Yeah, I love it. And now for marketing what are you doing? I know you have a couple of book events that you're doing, but as far as marketing goes, what do you like to use to get the word out there about your business, about your book, about your experiences? Are you an avid social media user?

Speaker 1: 6:53

I'm not avid, but since I have a grandson, I've been more avid since I had him, because I make little videos of him, because he is so adorable and wonderful, and so I use Instagram and I use TikTok. Those are my two formats. I really like Instagram because I'm a nosy person, so I like people's pictures and it's. You know you don't have to do friend requests to really see reels, and then that gives me ideas and they have a lot of author forums. Is that how I said that?

Speaker 1: 7:23

Forums for writers so I can get on there, get ideas, and then I talk to other authors, other writers, other speakers and we kind of like network together and get ideas.

Speaker 2: 7:36

I love that and I know you had mentioned that this book is getting like a rebrand and all that. I want to take me back to the beginning. When you first wrote this book, what inspired you to want to just put all these words and everything down? Like when did you realize like, hey, I want to make this into a physical book and I want to share this? Like what was the purpose of it for you and what did you hope that people would get out of that? What happened?

Speaker 1: 7:58

was. I wrote the first three chapters, kind of like playing around, and my colleagues at work. I was like, oh, you know I wrote this and you know this is about my girlfriend. And as they was reading, I was like, well, do you have another chapter? Do you have another chapter? So it was really other people.

Speaker 1: 8:12

I had no intentions of writing a book, but they were like this is so interesting. So then I just threw in three more people. I went through my journal and a couple other people I was thinking about and I said, okay, well, I'm going to write a chapter on her. And then the sixth chapter is about kind of me. So but they're all entwined. Each chapter works together. So it actually were my colleagues in my day to day in affordable housing. They was like this is so interesting, do you have another chapter? And I'm like so. Then I wrote the third chapter and then I was like do you have another chapter? I was like y'all do know this isn't a book, these are just short stories. So then a girlfriend of mine was like you really should publish this, you should really do that. So that's what I did, yeah.

Speaker 1: 8:50

So it was encouragement from other people.

Speaker 2: 8:51

Yeah, Isn't that amazing though, Like when people are like this is really good, Like did you finish? Do you have another chapter?

Speaker 1: 8:56

Yeah, and you're like no.

Speaker 2: 8:57

I was just freestyling.

Speaker 1: 8:59

Freestyling, just, you know, being silly, because the introduction is kind of talking about all these people. And they're like well, what's in the chapter one?

Speaker 2: 9:06

There is no chapter one. So that's how it came about.

Speaker 1: 9:11

I love that.

Speaker 2: 9:13

And then I'd like to ask you about self-care and why that is important to you.

Speaker 1: 9:18

Well, to me, there's a lot of self-help out there, a lot of people telling people what to do, what to do. What to do? You know this is what you can do, this is what you can do, but they really don't live it. So I call it self-care, because I feel like we need to take care of ourselves. You can go to therapists, you can go to doctors, you can get general things, but only you really know you when you look in the mirror and when you're alone at night by yourself and you're in your own thoughts. So you've got to do some self-reflection and think, okay, it's time for me to take care of myself. A lot of women, we have children, we have husbands, we have jobs, we have family, aging mothers and we take care of everyone else and then we forget about ourselves, so I don't want to call it.

Speaker 1: 9:58

I don't call it self-help, I call it self-care. You know, focus on you, and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't know why us, as women, we feel like there's something wrong if we think about ourselves or put ourselves first. So as I got older, my kids, you know, graduated school and started their own families. I started traveling and I started doing things, even just like my hair, taking care of my hair, taking care of my skin. You don't have time for that as a woman sometimes, and so I find that now that I'm in my 50s and I'm a grandma and I have freedom, I'm like what's wrong with taking care of me? So I want other ladies to do that for themselves.

Speaker 2: 10:34

I love that. No, that's so important, I agree, and sometimes maybe it we have like that stigma of like, oh, that's kind of selfish, like you always, but it's like, no, we're always doing things for other people you need to take that moment to and there's nothing wrong with being a little selfish.

Speaker 1: 10:46

You know, I mean people technically and I hate to say it that they don't mean it but when people pull your time and your resources, they're really being selfish. Yes, because they're using you for what they need, and there's nothing wrong with that. That's why we're human. We need that, but what's wrong with doing it for yourself? Exactly so it's finding that healthy balance right to make sure that you're at your best so you can help other people too.

Speaker 2: 11:10

Yeah, I love that. And then for bitterness, could you give me like some examples maybe that you've experienced or you've heard other people experience and where that bitterness can sometimes come from and maybe others can kind of trigger that for you and how you learn for it to be you?

Speaker 1: 11:29

know sweet. Yeah Well, I know a lot of people's been. It starts at childhood, especially for women. I mean, I know men go through things but they're not put on expectations like women and girls are. We're trained to take care of other people, we're trained to put ourselves second. So, like I know, as I was, you know, going through life and I've, you know, I've been married several times.

Speaker 1: 11:52

I call myself the blacklist teller, but I noticed with each husband that you end up, as a female, giving a lot more than you get. And that's not always. Some men give more than women. You know depends on the person, but I know for the most part we give more.

Speaker 1: 12:07

So it's that animosity or that kind of like, and I hate to keep using the word bitterness, but you get a little bitter inside. So I know a lot of women when they read the chapters they'll say, oh, my goodness, that's me. Oh, chapter three is me. Oh, chapter two is my sister Rose. My chapter three is my. Chapter is my. You know, sister, these are my sister's name. It's really not them. I promise you, my sister, you know this is my best friend, susie, or my mom. My mom went through that. So um and and things as you would go through the chapter because I'm going to leave you one for being so gracious of um having me here today, thank you. But like chapter one is a woman who she was trying to help someone and they took. But like chapter one is a woman who she was trying to help someone and they took her husband. Chapter two is a woman who had a great husband but was bored and she found someone else and then realized it was she wanted to be with her husband.

Speaker 1: 12:57

You know, it's just these regular life things that happen and it just festers in you and it festers and we don't talk about it. A lot of people don't go to counseling. A lot of people don't go to psychiatrists. We talk to our girlfriends but then sometimes you don't want to tell your sisters or your girlfriends if your husband's awful because you don't want them to hate him, because when you like him again you want them to want him back. So these are just some things. Like I say, we keep it to ourselves and these are our thoughts at night. So it just harbors in us. And then this book I know a lot of people say, and all the ladies they said, oh, it was really nice to see that other people go through that, because this is a raw. It's out there, my extreme of what happens to people and they're like you know, I've been through that, so it makes sense of what you're saying in there, because each chapter has a life lesson Everyone like one chapter just says drive your own car.

Speaker 2: 13:52

Don't let someone else do it for you.

Speaker 1: 13:54

Because you're stuck if they're not ready to leave. So each chapter has a life lesson that's based off of whatever I'm talking about in that chapter and they're like that makes sense. That's beautiful.

Speaker 2: 14:03

No, I love that you drew like from your own experiences experience maybe you've seen other people go through and kind of like you know it's a book, you can make it however you want, you can exaggerate it as much as you want and tone it down as much as you want the fact that you're using that to help people come to what's the word come to, not a conclusion, but like a feeling of just not feeling ashamed of having those feelings right and that everybody else goes through it and it's okay to find yourself and realize that maybe that wasn't for you, but that is okay.

Speaker 1: 14:35

Yeah, and you know, perception is, I say, 90% of everything. It doesn't matter what they're trying to convey or even if they don't mean it, how you take it is what it is. That's just the bottom line, you know. I know my mom used to always say there's three truths there's their side, your side and it's somewhere in the middle is actually what happened. But the perception is what caused the misunderstandings, the problems, the hurt feelings. You know that's what causes the issue. So your perception, your thought, your feelings are actually true. They're honest. It is what it is. It might not be what it was meant to be. It is how you took it and it's for you to recognize and it's for you to acknowledge. There's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 2: 15:21

I love it. What do you think have been some misconceptions that I guess women can sometimes go through when the word bitterness or just being bitter comes?

Speaker 1: 15:30

They think it's a negative thing because they think bitterness is to be angry, to be mean, to be hateful, to be nasty. It's really not. It's just the feeling that you have from things that have happened to you. So that's why I call it bitterness can be sweet. It doesn't have to be negative. We do have negative feelings, you do have sadness, you do have stuck. You feel stuck Like one of the characters is just stuck and you don't know how to get out of it. You're living your daily life, day to day. You're doing the same stuff over and over. You get bored, you get tired, you get feel like you should have done more with your life, and that can cause bitterness, but it doesn't mean it's bad. You just got to figure out how to get out of your rut, how to get out of your own way. Yeah, that bitterness helps you really. That's how I feel.

Speaker 2: 16:17

No, I love it. How to get out of your own way, exactly Because sometimes you're your own roadblock and you're just like, oh, I kind of like okay, this is my Monday everyday routine, like I've got to find something to change this, so I don't feel like this, but it helped you get to that realization without the bitterness.

Speaker 1: 16:31

Maybe you would be kind of like, and it's what you do with it, to let it harbor, to make you that angry, hateful person. You can actually let it and say, okay, this is how I'm feeling, what can I do? Okay, I got to do a reboot. You know, kind of like we got to do a reboot. You know we got to, I got to take and just re energize myself, you know, and, and, and that's why it can be sweet, you can take it and turn it around. I love it.

Speaker 2: 16:58

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 17:05

And then, um, what are some things that you have learned about yourself through writing this book? A lot of things. Each one of the characters has a little bit of me in it. You know, and I know with me, I am someone that hangs on to people because of abandonment issues of my childhood. I won't let people go. If you ever talk to my children, they're like mom, you gotta let it go. Move past that person. That person is no good for you. I just cannot. I don't ever want anyone to feel like they're unloved, they're unwanted, and sometimes it's to my detriment.

Speaker 1: 17:35

I know going through one of the ladies that are in the book. She just wants to be loved, so bad that she just takes anything. And then it's like well, why, why are you allowing that person to treat you that way? Why are you staying with that person? Why are you putting yourself through that? Why are you settling? We have a bad habit of settling because we think, oh, I'm 48. I'm not married, or I'm 48 and divorced, or I'm 30 and I'm just not in my career where I am, so I'm just going to take this job. You know we settle on so many things and that's one thing I learned through it. I do settle, I settle, but I don't have to. Why not have expectations for yourself? Why not say I'm better than that. I deserve better than that.

Speaker 2: 18:23

Yes, there's nothing wrong with it. Yeah, no, I love it, and sometimes I feel like society has like some pressures that they put upon like not just women, but men too. It's like, okay, if you're this age, you should be married. Or oh, you've been divorced this many times. It means this or like, oh, you didn't do this or you don't have this degree, and it kind of can make you weigh heavy on your heart and make you feel like you don't amount to anything. But in reality that's not true. It's just what everybody is like, what society is telling you that you have to do. But not everybody's path is that. Everybody has their own race. Everybody has different stories. Not everyone has that perfect straight line. Some people have jagged, wavy lines, and that is okay. Like you know, like unfortunately, we aren't all gifted or fortunate to have that standard path that society thinks that everybody else should have right.

Speaker 1: 19:17

Yeah, definitely. I learned that even in my career. I'm in a man career. I learned that even in my career. I'm in a man career. I mean, I'm in development, I'm in housing, I mean, and that's man dominant. And it seems like sometimes we'll settle for less pay, we'll settle for less not getting that title We'll settle for when we do contracts, okay. Well, okay, we won't take this bonus if that's not. But if I was a man wouldn't you give me those things. Yes, so I have a habit of okay if you're not now. I used not, you know, because I didn't have that degree, but now I'm like, I know my worth, I know what my education is, I know what my background in my experience is and I know what I can bring to this table. Yes, ma'am.

Speaker 1: 20:00

So I posted on one of my social media I said they didn't want me at the table, so I brought my own.

Speaker 2: 20:06

I love it.

Speaker 1: 20:06

Yeah, I love that You're welcome to say that if you want, but I'm going to build my own.

Speaker 2: 20:12

I love it.

Speaker 1: 20:25

So when I was rereading, because you know I wrote it years ago and then I was editing it myself and because I self-published- it this time and I said wait a minute, yeah, I'm gonna do that. Where did that girl go? She was feisty. I need her back. I gotta bring her back. So that's where I am now. Not, you know. I said. I always told her if you don't want me at your table, I'm gonna bring my own table. You're welcome to bring a chair, but I'm going to bring my own table.

Speaker 2: 20:39

You're welcome to bring a chair, but I'm going to set up my own now. So empowering, I love it. You should put that as a quote somewhere or something. I love it so great. Is there anything, perhaps that I have not touched on, that you would like to share, whether it's about yourself, maybe your other book coming out, anything about yourself, your family, that you would like to?

Speaker 1: 20:55

share you. The only thing I care about right now is Jalen. That's my grandson. No, I'm just joking. My daughter got me a T-shirt and says it's so funny. My children argue about who's their favorite, and it's ridiculous, because the only person I love is my grandson. Oh, my goodness, he knows it too. He'll tell you I'm grandma's best friend. I'm her favorite.

Speaker 1: 21:15

Yes that's my man. I said, oh, oh, I thought I loved my kids, but I really don't. My older sister, she always told me, because you know, I'm a young I don't know if you know this I'm the youngest of 11. Oh, wow so four of my siblings are old enough to be my parents you know so my older sister, she used to, before I got a grandchild.

Speaker 1: 21:33

She used to always say you know, if I had grandchildren first I'd been a better parent. And now I understand what she means, because my daughter's always going oh, you got patients now, oh, yeah, and her biggest thing is oh, you got McDonald money now she's really bitter about them chicken nuggets.

Speaker 1: 21:54

If you see her social media, you would think that I let him just run wild like she did. It's the cutest thing and I'm gonna get off grace. But she posted a picture and there was one Lego in the living room and she was like my mom as a mother, clean those toys up. And then she said my mom as a grandmother and there was a whole bouncy house.

Speaker 2: 22:11

It's a case of hearts Don't worry, throw it everywhere.

Speaker 1: 22:14

There's a bouncy house in the middle of the living room. She's like my mom has a grandmother. I'm like y'all make me act like I let that poor baby run wild, not true girl no leave my man to love.

Speaker 2: 22:26

Aw, I love that. My little man and I had all girls, so having a grandson- it is amazing, oh my goodness, it's a game changer for you, oh yes, yes, my other daughter.

Speaker 1: 22:36

She doesn't have kids. She's like I'm afraid to have one because I don't think you're going to love it like you do. Oh my gosh, I'm like you can have one, but I'll send you the gift once in a while.

Speaker 2: 22:44

This is my man. We're going to delete these scenes when we hear this, I'm just kidding.

Speaker 1: 22:50

I, I'm obvious, I told you.

Speaker 2: 22:53

I'm transparent, I love it, I appreciate that.

Speaker 1: 22:56

But outside of that, I'm just trying to really now build this brand. I'm trying to build a brand because I said this is my time. I've worked and made money for many companies and I said it's not about money, though, it's about something I enjoy. So you brought up me, myself and you. Me, myself and you is about because at the end of this book I'm going to do a killer. A killer, but you're not going to know why I end up divorced, which they already know anyway. I told you I had like several of them. I end up divorced. So the next book is called Me, myself and you, and it covers each chapter. It's about people I've dated and it'll be a cliffhanger as to who y'all think I end up with. So each chapter is about an exaggerating version of a man I've dated.

Speaker 2: 23:44

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 23:44

I love it. No, Because there's so many different types. I'm like women need to be aware. Steer clear from this one, this one oh yeah, Because one of the things I say and they say, love is blind. No, it's not. It's nearsighted. Put your glasses on.

Speaker 2: 23:56

You have that ability.

Speaker 1: 23:57

You can see it when you're dating. They're in their best behavior when they're dating you, so can you imagine what you're going to get when they're comfortable and you're married oh no, I learned those the hard way.

Speaker 2: 24:16

But see, you're writing it down so other women don't have to go. Save a lot of people's heartaches. We appreciate that. Now my final question if you could leave us with a message, a quote, maybe a mantra that you like to live your life by, what would that message be?

Speaker 1: 24:26

Noun, I can only go by how I'm living my life, noun, and it's all about Chris. That's just the bottom line. It's all about Chris. That's just the bottom line. It's all about Chris and whoever, whatever their names are Susie, Christina, Sally, Mary's. You know, Karen, even the Karen's out there. It's a little bit about you, Karen, If you, if you're angry, they're cooking, cooking out at the park near your house go on out there.

Speaker 1: 24:49

Mary. But it's just all about Chris right now, not so much that I'm selfish and I don't care about no one else, because I have an elderly mother I take care of. I love taking care of my grandson, I love helping my siblings. It's just when I'm tired I'm tired. So it's going to be about Chris. So step back, take a break, go on a weekend vacation, take a weekend getaway. Do something special for you.

Speaker 2: 25:15

Yeah, and that's what it's about. No, thank you so much for being here, and I'm glad that you're able to take time for yourself and take back your power and not feel bad about it, because you shouldn't, and I appreciate you being here today.

Speaker 1: 25:26

I enjoyed it. Thank you so much for having me. As I said when I started, I don't want to repeat myself, but I was really happy to be here oh.