The Alimond Show
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The Alimond Show
Reginald Ryder of Thriving Life Coaching - From First-Gen College Student to Academic Readiness Pioneer: Overcoming Obstacles, Supporting Student Success, and Conquering Imposter Syndrome
Reginald Ryder, the visionary behind Thriving Life Coaching, shares his compelling journey from a first-generation college student at Ball State University to an influential academic readiness coach. Faced with the daunting challenges of navigating college life, Reginald found his footing through involvement in campus activities, which opened unexpected doors in higher education. Now, drawing from his experiences, he has dedicated himself to helping students conquer the "first-gen syndrome," providing them with the support he once needed. His story is not just about overcoming obstacles but about using those experiences to fuel a mission that includes writing a book and crafting a coaching business that guides students toward success.
The episode promises valuable insights into releasing the shackles of perfectionism while pursuing mastery. We discuss the immense societal pressures that push students to chase flawless grades, often at the expense of their self-worth and confidence, leading to the common struggle of imposter syndrome. Reginald shares inspiring tales of students who've tackled academic hurdles, like a Cal Poly student who triumphed in a make-or-break semester and a Carnegie Mellon student who thrived despite pandemic setbacks. By offering services that cater to motivated and coachable students, Reginald outlines how they can reach out for guidance via his platform, resonawriter.com, ensuring they're never alone on their academic journey.
Together, we explore practical strategies for mastering essential skills from middle school through college, emphasizing the crucial role of time management and personal responsibility. As a co-pilot in their educational voyage, Reginald empowers students to chart their own course while keeping an eye on potential detours. The conversation underscores the value of personal growth and self-discovery, encouraging listeners to learn from others' stories and pivotal moments. With a mantra that champions being timely and meeting expectations, Reginald inspires students to unlock their potential and explore limitless possibilities in their academic and personal lives.
My name is Reginald Ryder. I'm the founder of Thriving Life Coaching. Our motto is every student needs a little TLC, so it's the acronym for Thriving Life Coaching. Yeah, my client base is basically middle school, high school, college students. It's an academic readiness transitional service, coaching service for students as they find their way academically through their or within their academic journey, whether from going from middle school to high school, high school to college, struggling in college, thriving in college, whatever the case may be, but works with students and getting them from where they started to, ultimately, where they want to end up, in the way of a career or additional education.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I love that. And then I would like to know about your active journey as a student yourself. Talk to me about that and tell me a little bit about a background, about yourself and how you got started in your industry and what led you to where you are today, please.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's interesting because it's all kind of related. So I'm a first-gen student. My parents didn't go to college, but they sent my siblings and I to college, and so what I found out really quickly when I went to college I went to Ball State University in Indiana was I realized pretty quickly that I didn't know what I didn't know until I needed to know it, and at that point it was kind of a little too late. What I didn't know until I needed to know it, and at that point it was kind of a little too late. So I didn't struggle in the way of D's and F's, but I wasn't striving and kind of thriving in my academic world as a freshman, just because I had kind of gotten up to a bad start, had a lot of free time, didn't know quite what to do with myself and just kind of, you know, went to class and at least was smart enough to do those things, but not much really beyond that in the way of studying and learning and everything else. And so it became pretty obvious to me that I needed to do something much different and so really took it upon myself to kind of find my stride, got some help from advisors and people that I knew and I trusted and things started to kind of turn around. By the time I got to my sophomore year I achieved, for myself at least, kind of a milestone a 3.0, which I hadn't done before. So I was very happy about that, continued to kind of hone my craft of becoming a student and what ended up happening in me getting into the actually to the field of education.
Speaker 1:So I was a pre-law student, a political science student, but pre-law looking to go to law school, and I was involved in a lot of different activities on campus, including being a resident assistant. I was in my Black Student Association Hall Council, kind of similar to what student council would be equivalent to in high school. But in the process of doing that I learned a lot about my university, kind of by default, through the jobs and roles that I was in. And so I got asked to go on an admissions trip to do some yield activities for the admissions office as a student volunteer and in doing so I kind of had the gift of gab and people were asking questions and I was able to answer and people could kind of see that I was able to kind of work the room in one respect or another, and long and short, I ended up someone pulled me aside and said, hey, have you thought about working in the admissions office? And I thought, well, I didn't really know, I wasn't really sure, and so I kind of left it there kind of on pause, went through another session, like I just mentioned, and someone pulled me aside and said listen, you really should do this. I think this would be a good spot in the field for you to do. Great at it, you understand university, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 1:So I applied, I got in and I started working higher ed in the admissions office at my alma mater and from there, one of the things that I said to myself was that I wanted to make sure that students didn't experience the my first gen syndrome in the same way and in the same manner. And so I did what I could to kind of offer strategies and tips and insight into my university, but just to how to be a good student. And in doing so, this all kind of just kind of came to pass. And so students were in the admissions sessions that I was having, or the parent sessions, or whatever the case may be, were intrigued by what I was talking about. So kind of fast forward.
Speaker 1:I ended up just kind of doing this kind of work throughout my time in higher ed at various universities across the country Ball State at Butler University, allegheny College in Pennsylvania, cornell University, went back to school and got my master's at James Madison and continued doing it since and so kind of picked up then from there, working in or teaching but doing a wellness class. And so I kind of modified the wellness class to this academic readiness mantra, if you will, and it's kind for a lot of students. And so it led to in 2024, well, I'm sorry, 2020, rewriting a book about what my experience was like as a student, as a practitioner and then as a faculty member. I also teach at Northern Virginia Community College. I teach a college success skills class. It's SDB 100.
Speaker 1:And so kind of all these things came together. I was like, well, I should do something with this. I'm not really sure what, but and so thriving life coaching was kind of born several years before but kind of came to pass. Yeah, and it's given me a chance and opportunity to work with, you know, students and help influence and shape their academic experience in ways that I hadn't previously had a chance or an opportunity to.
Speaker 2:That is awesome. I love that you're giving back Like you know, like what the struggle was and you're like you know what I'm going to. Take that struggle, make it into something that's going to help others so they don't, hopefully have to go through it and, if they are, well, they shouldn't feel lost because I'm right here, Gotcha.
Speaker 1:I love it.
Speaker 2:Exactly. And then, what are the types of common things that people are going to you for? Like, for these students like, what do you see that they're struggling with the most that you're like? Okay, let's sit down.
Speaker 1:Well, it was an interesting time when I started my business, because I'd written the book in 2019, but then published in 2020, right right before the pandemic, or right around the pandemic, I guess is what I would say was the summer of the pandemic.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so and getting coaching clients, one of the first things that I noticed about the students in general is that they were um, the isolation was a lot, a lot more than I think people maybe gave it credit for, and I know that as adults, we experienced it in the ways that we experienced it, but for students, I think it's very different, because you're so used to being around, you know hundreds of people thousands at a time, your friends going to football games, hanging out, whatever the case may be, and those things were just squashed.
Speaker 1:So their social anxiety, but I think their social skills, if you will, weren't always there and always as present as they probably should be and need to be, because everything was virtual. It then required a new style, new level of understanding and then, of you know, being able to kind of perform, and so I think those things were things that, even to this day, I think that they're, you know, kind of residual effects, because for students four years ago they were anywhere from, you know, kindergarten to fourth grade. They're now fourth graders to eighth graders or eighth graders to now, you know, in college, and so that stunting of growth I think in some respects that that happened occurred. So things like time management, being able to advocate for yourself, having, I just think, confidence in general about who you are and what you're you know becoming and evolving into, in that respect, I think those things are things that are missing. I think one of the other things I would say is that I think students don't or misperceive the principle of studying versus learning.
Speaker 1:Yes, there's a difference between the two and you study for a test but you learn. I think you learn for life and so many students, I think, study to perform well for the test, but then if you ask them what they really know, it's not retained.
Speaker 2:It's not retained.
Speaker 1:So what's the way to make that happen and occur? And so those are things that I help or that I've helped students do.
Speaker 2:I love it Awesome. Now I want to touch on your book Passing the Baton a guide and a memoir of college success. Talk to me a little bit more about it.
Speaker 1:Is it available now? Where can people find it and what inspired you to write this? Yeah, so so I wrote it in um. I was actually I actually on vacation 2019, july 2019,. We went to um on vacation for a in I was actually on vacation 2019, july 2019. We went on vacation for a week. I was like you know I'm just going to start, I'm not sure what it's going to look like. I had an outline of what I thought I wanted to cover and went from there.
Speaker 1:The book is available on Amazon. It's available on my website as well, retinalwritercom. The book is about my own, my own journey as a student, as a first-gen student, not knowing what I was doing, trying to figure it out, learning how to figure it out, kind of putting in place the habits in the process to make it happen and occur. So that's kind of one bend of it. The other bend of it is as a practitioner, and then teaching students to do the very thing or things that I didn't know how to do, and kind of their anecdotes, but also strategies and tips that are within you know, in context with you. Know how to do it well, how to do it better, yeah, and then finally, kind of a career piece as well, just in kind of talking about the evolution of my career from where it started to where it is now, and so those things, I think, are kind of tangible things.
Speaker 1:I think it's written at a level where people can get it and understand it. It's not too difficult to read. It's a pretty quick read for what it's worth. When I initially put it out on Amazon, when it was initially published within about a month within a month I think it was a bestseller on Amazon for adult and continuing education and for study skills. So I was pretty excited to see that happen and given that it was my that's my first book that I've ever written I was really humbled but shocked and surprised and happy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you should be, you should be happy.
Speaker 1:Yes, with all those things. But that's the book and what it does, and so it's talked about my journey, so hopefully people can kind of see it through, see their journey through my prism, and then ultimately adapt or adopt. To put some of those things into place?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, I love that. Do you have any other upcoming projects coming out in the works? Talk to us a little bit about that.
Speaker 1:So I wrote the book about three to four years ago. I'm actually in the process right now of writing a workbook or producing a workbook that's going to basically work in conjunction with the book. So this is kind of my journey and what my experience was like. But here is what your kind of tangible experience kind of could look like Ask a lot of questions, offer a lot of different topics, just to give them a chance, an opportunity to kind of glean for themselves kind of where they feel like they are, what they feel like they want to do and, ultimately, how to get there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, love it, thank you. And then preparation for academic success for high school or college. Could you talk to me a little bit about what that entails, and could you include maybe some success stories?
Speaker 1:Sure. So I'm of the mindset that you know, much like exercise, you have to kind of build or develop, develop and build maybe is the best way to put it your academic muscle. What does that look like? Place some habits and some strategies that work, that, based on what you know about yourself, that you know that work and that you think will be able to muster the kind of experience that you want, the kind of performance that you want. Once you find it, then basically put yourself in a position where you're able to repeat those habits. If those habits get you the results that you're looking for, then you put it not on autopilot, because that's someone else kind of doing the driving for you.
Speaker 1:That's you. You know putting it on repeat and you know basically kind of assessing where you are. There are gonna be times when you do it well, there are gonna be times when you don't. I always tell students to grant and offer themselves the lack of necessity for perfection. But look at it from the standpoint of mastery, and mastery could be from a C to an A. I think unfortunately our society in some respects has put so much pressure and insistence on all A's that you know when you don't get all A's it's like it's a barrier in one respect or another. You know I'm not good enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then students experience things like, you know, imposter syndrome or just you know, kind of lack of confidence, whatever the case may be, and so those things are things that I think that are kind of paramount to this. The other part that I'd say as well is that, regardless of how much you know, it doesn't matter until someone knows that you know it.
Speaker 2:So you got to be able to perform well on exams.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, that's just how it is. That's just what happens. So we even talk about things like test anxiety and how to kind of get through that and how to work through some of those processes. One of the first stories that comes to mind for me was that an individual, or some individuals that I knew, put me in contact with a couple of students that were kind of in a make or break situation. I was doing this virtually during the pandemic and my services services are either in-person or virtual, but typically virtual just because of the convenience. This student happened to be at Cal Poly in California and this was a make-or-break semester for him. He was an engineering student. He was between two or three different majors at the time. He had to make a decision about one. He had to take a certain set of classes, get a certain grade point average in order to be able to be considered.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh the pressure.
Speaker 1:Exactly For this. So I was in touch with the student. Typically what I do is I do an initial assessment just to kind of find out kind of where they are and what's going on, yeah, ask them about their own specific goals and aspirations of things that they wanted, and then from that basically kind of came up with either a weekly or kind of a global goal sheet of kind of where they needed to go and what they needed to do Fortunately the student was able to do very well.
Speaker 1:Yay, fortunately the student was able to do very well. He improved from kind of the C's and D's that he had to B's and got the 3.0, I think is what it was that he needed to get in order to be able to move forward with his degree. He successfully graduated. You know another student that I work with from this local area but went to Carnegie Mellon University in Pennsylvania Engineering student was a very smart young lady but had just some academic struggles and then the pandemic kind of exasperated that.
Speaker 1:And so you know, we met weekly for several years. For a couple of years anyway, we took a little break and then she came back to me right towards the end of her academic career. But she successfully graduated. She got some internships and things of that sort that were going to give her some greater opportunities, and she's doing really well. So I've worked with college students and I work with high school students as well, in that same way and in that same manner.
Speaker 2:That is awesome. No, I think what you're doing is great.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I'm sure these students appreciate it once they get over that hurdle. Yes, being able to assess everything and, I guess, get it down on paper or iPad or whatever, right?
Speaker 1:Just get it down somewhere, usually best if you write it.
Speaker 2:That's what I think too. Yeah, when you write it.
Speaker 1:it's better, I think. When you type it you just kind of lose track and then you see a notification and then you click on it.
Speaker 2:I'm like that I need the paper, oh my God. And then let's see, I wanted to talk about, I guess, how can people look you up and what are the consultation likes and what would that entail? What?
Speaker 1:was the last part, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:So what are the consultations like with you and um, are there any prerequisites in order to meet with you? For anybody who's listening, maybe there's a student if they're listening and they're just like, okay, is it gonna be hard? Do I meet the requirements to even talk to him?
Speaker 1:like I don't know, I'm scared you just simply have to be a student. Student who's willing and coachable, that's, that's the only prereq? Um. So I do have a website, it's resonawritercom. It is where you can kind of look up. I'll find out a little bit more about me, about the services that I've offered, that I offer, uh, the individuals, either individuals or companies, or schools, I guess, that are represented. I don't have students names, but, yeah, schools that they're that are represented, colleges, universities that I've worked with as well, uh, presentations and things of that sort. Schools, I guess that are represented. I don't have students' names, but schools that are represented, colleges, universities that I've worked with as well, presentations and things of that sort.
Speaker 1:I'm basically looking for a student who's doing well and wants to do better. I'm looking for a student who's struggled and wants to stop struggling. So I can kind of catch you either in either vein you know coming or going in whatever respect that that is necessary to help you with that I usually do, usually be the word of mouth. Or parents who find me on the web, you know, reach out. I have a consultation or a consultation form that they can fill out. I usually follow it up with the phone call with the parent to find out a little bit more about the student. What's going on, what's happening. If it's possible, I usually will meet with the parents, virtually or-.
Speaker 2:In person.
Speaker 1:Or in person, but typically it's just because of the convenience, it's easier to do it that way. But all the same meet with them and tell them about myself, and tell them about the service and kind of what I do and how it works. And then you know kind of the culminating moment is, you know, either them or myself convincing the student that this is something that would be quote unquote good for them.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:And I think I'm pretty convincing. I've done this enough times now. I've got my own experience to kind of speak about. You know in first person and anecdotally what I've offered to other students as well. Once, I I think, speak with them. Nine times out of ten they're ones who want to be a client. From there we work out the arrangements. I do an initial assessment with them, the student individually.
Speaker 1:So the parents are kind of out of the picture, at least from the standpoint of the one-on-one that we're having. If they're a high school student, then by right and by law I would inform the parent of what my coaching session was, Not everything, but the gist of it, the things that they need to take away from it. If it's for a college student, then first basically takes over, and I'm not able to. But the only way that I'm required to in the way is if their students can bring harm to themselves or to another person, and so by then, by law, I'm required to do that. Other than that, what the college student and I talk about is, you know, for, for, for, for for her or him, and I, and for the high school students I typically, you know, incorporate the parents back into it Usually by or around quarter grades or semester grades, or if there's anything else that comes up in between, so that obviously we're all aware of what's going on. We're all informed we can all help and shape exactly.
Speaker 1:We're all in the know. We can all help and shape Exactly. We're all in the know. We can all inform and shape what the experience looks like from that point forward.
Speaker 2:Beautiful. And now talk to me about your seminars and workshops. What are those like and who would best benefit?
Speaker 1:from that Right. So the workshops and seminars have primarily been to organizations, like I've done with Prince George's Community College and then with a couple of community colleges. I've offered presentations at national conferences as well with the College Board and with Los Angeles County Office of Education. They have a equity, racial equity and diversity arm and so I was able to present for them. But my workshops basically are, I think, on the ground. They're tangible, they're pragmatic, they're practical. They, I think, provide for students insight and perspective about what it means to be a student, and while I think a lot of people place a lot of stock in what you do when you're in college, I actually prefer to work backwards and say, hey, if you're like this in middle school but you're want to do well in high school, then these tips are things that you can put into practice now and now. You have anywhere from a six to seven year window to perfect. I say perfect them, I don't mean that To master them.
Speaker 2:Yes, there we go, master them.
Speaker 1:If you're in high school and you're trying to obviously go to college and college is something that's important to you, then what does that look like for you as a freshman, sophomore, junior or senior? So, as a senior, you're kind of really prepping from that point on really to the next level. But the other three years are really the chance and opportunity for you to put some of these things into practice, see how they work, manage the mistakes as well as the milestones and ultimately put yourself in a position where, by the time you get to college, with the newfound freedom that you soon will have, you'll be able to manage day-to-day in a way that most students aren't able to. Yeah, awesome.
Speaker 2:And is there anything maybe that I have not touched on? Maybe about yourself, your business, your industry, maybe other upcoming projects? Do you have the floor to share?
Speaker 1:I think there's. When I was in school, I think I was advised. Someone offered, I think, a distinction Okay, advice means that basically, if someone tells you to do something and you do it and it works, then okay. But if they tell you to do it and it doesn't work, for whatever reason, you're not likely to go back to them you to do it and it doesn't work, for whatever reason, you're not likely to go back to them.
Speaker 1:So that word of mouth, I think, can work obviously in your benefit and, at the same time, can work in your detriment as well.
Speaker 1:I think my approach with this process in coaching is that I tell students all the time I'm merely the co-pilot, you're the captain, you're the captain now, you're the captain now, and so what this looks like really has everything to do with what you offer, what you do.
Speaker 1:My job is just to make sure that I help you for, using a sailing analogy, you're the one driving the boat, steering the boat. My job is to tell you if I see fog or a storm or an iceberg, which clearly you need to move, you know, out of the way for whatever reason, as quickly as you possibly can. But between the two of us, between the navigator and the captain, we should be able to figure out a process that works to your benefit, that gets you where you want to be, doing what you want to do. And, as I tell students all the time, it's really important for you to really realize and live what your passion project is, and so for me, this, this work that I do, is my passion project. But you know, what is your passion project? Look like yes, and so that's their, that's their, their, their quest, that's their journey, and my job is just to help them as much as I possibly can along the way that's awesome, that's.
Speaker 2:That's great help, because I know for a lot of students they can feel lost or like where do I go? Like oh, again, my parents don't get it, let me go talk to somebody else, right?
Speaker 1:And nine times out of 10 for what it's worth. A lot of what I say or will offer I'm sure sounds quote, unquote, like their parent in one respect or another. Yeah, right, but it comes from a different perspective in that it's within the field. It's within the field, it's within the context of. You know that they're kind of here and now as well.
Speaker 2:Exactly no, I agree with that, you're right. I'd like to ask you my final question. It's one that I ask everybody that comes through here Sure, do you have a quote, a saying or a mantra, or maybe something that somebody said to you in your life that has stuck out, and would you share that message with us?
Speaker 1:Wow, I said to you in your life that has stuck out, and would you?
Speaker 2:share that message with us.
Speaker 1:Wow, I've got a lot of them, perfect. Um, if I'm, if I'm, held to one, then I think the thing that I would offer is uh, one of the groups that I work with that's a center for leadership development in indianapolis, indiana. I used to live there at one point when I worked at Butler University. I partnered with them from the admissions standpoint, but just in working with them as they were, their mission is to work with students from, say, seventh or eighth grade till they get to finish high school and through college, but it's a pathway that kind of leads to lots of different opportunities, including academically. But one of the things that they said was they have a time proverb that I, even now, still use with my students when I teach at the community college and the other students that I work with as well, and it's simply in time, on time every time, except when ahead of time, and that's better time.
Speaker 2:It's a lot of time.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is. But the essence of what it means is that if you can perform and think kind of in that way nine times out of 10, you're checking the boxes that you want to check, you're doing the things that you want to do, you're meeting and sometimes even surpassing, you know, maybe your own expectations by other people's expectations as well, and so that mantra has kind of always lived with me. And then, if you don't mind, I'm happy to give one more.
Speaker 2:Yes, please do.
Speaker 1:This is one that I tell students all the time and this really, I think, kind of speaks to the whole coaching process and mantra itself is that you know you're on your own from the standpoint of this being your individual journey, this being your individual quest, in whatever shape, form or passion that it is, but you don't have to do it alone. More often than not, I think, students find themselves in the position where they feel like either they can't ask, they don't ask, they don't want to ask, because they feel like there's a certain stigma, judgment, weakness to not knowing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's not your job to know or to remember everything, and with everything that's going to happen in your over the span of it's hard to remember everything Exactly. There's too much to remember. I don't remember what I had for breakfast three weeks ago, I remember yesterday's breakfast.
Speaker 2:So there you go, I don't remember. I don't remember what I had for breakfast three weeks ago. I remember yesterday's breakfast. So there you go, I don't either I don't either.
Speaker 1:But my point is that you're in the process of you doing all these things. There are people along the way to help. There are people along the way who, if nothing else, just want to tell their story. And in telling their story again, you'll hear the milestones if you listen close enough. Yes, you hear the mistakes. If you listen close enough, you hear the don't try this, don't do this, in whatever state form or fashion that it may become. And so I think, as long as you're kind of keen to those things, you know being on your own, to being your own individual responsibility not your parents, not, not your teachers, not your professors, not, you know I want you to go into this field, because this is what I want you to do it has to come from within yourself it has to come from within.
Speaker 1:And so I think, once you, once you realize that um, that mindset, and the potential that it basically can unleash for you you know, the skies can be the limit, but you have to be willing and in a position to to take that on for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that's some powerful stuff. There are lots to think about. Definitely got to listen, check for those milestones and those challenges for sure. So listening is a key point too, right, right? Well, thank you so much for being on the podcast. We really appreciate your time and the wisdom that you were able to give us and for anybody out there who maybe this resonated with them. So thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. I appreciate your time Absolutely.