Speaker 1: 0:30

So my name is Kimberly Byers, I'm the CEO of by Hers Peace of Mind play on the name B-Y-H-E-R-S and I help women who are going through grief and loss, and my business supports them by how to move them forward from there. So if you have, for instance, you're stuck and you're trying to get over not over, but through the loss a lot of people find themselves not being able to move forward and it's a lot to do with because they didn't really talk to the person before they pass or something like that. It's different reasons why, but that's mainly what I deal with.

Speaker 2: 1:10

Okay, wow, can I ask what got you into that industry? Like, give me a little bit of a background about yourself and how you got there?

Speaker 1: 1:18

Absolutely Will, so you know it's interesting. So a lot of people ask me that same question and a lot of it has to do with my mom. My mom became, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, triple negative breast cancer. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, Thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:32

And when she was diagnosed at first you know we were talking, having a conversation. She was talking about how she was going to fight. This is what she wanted to do, and so she went and did that. You know, she fought and she had treatment and it went on for a while. But then all of a sudden it took a turn and she, she was really sick and she she wasn't doing well. So we, we, we we got a second opinion to make sure that, you know, she was getting the best treatment, and she decided that you know, Kim, I'm tired. You know, I'm ready to go. I'm like you're ready to go where she's, like I'm ready to go home. You know, and it just kind of gives you that feeling like, oh, not now, you know I'm not ready, I'm not ready, I'm not ready Right.

Speaker 1: 2:15

And so I asked her could I talk to people about your journey, can I journal about your journey? And she said sure. And so we talked, we talked and we talked. And that's what led me to this business, because, for me, I think loss is very, very strong, and it's hard for a lot of people, and that's what drove me to say how can I help others going through this, how can I bring them to a place where they will find not so much but peace, in other words, but not just to get over it. They need to get through it, you know, because you never get over the loss. And so, in 2018, my mom passed away, and when she passed away, I was devastated. It took, it was hard. Regardless if she prepared me or not, I was still hard. And then, after that, it was like a back to back thing my aunt, my uncle and then my brother passed away, and it was all from cancer.

Speaker 1: 3:12

And so that's what led me to do this, and by her peace of mind. It's just that, helping others get through their place of loss, but also knowing that there's peace on the other side of that. And that's why I do this, you know, to help other people.

Speaker 2: 3:30

Yeah, absolutely have that support system. Maybe they don't have that and since you've gone through, unfortunately, a couple of losses, you can like offer a helping hand to them and help them better navigate such a difficult period in their life. So I think that's great. Can I ask a little bit of how you help them, like what are some of the methods or what, what are some of the things that you're looking at and helping them with?

Speaker 1: 3:56

You know, lil, I like that question, that's one of my favorite. So one of the things, like I told you, I asked my mom if I could journal about her right and tell her journey. Journaling is one of the main things that I talk to my clients about, because journaling helps you to get it out. If you can write about it, you can get through it, and that's how I feel. And then another thing is to embrace the difference without that person being there. That was hard for me is embracing the difference with my mom not being there. She's my best friend. We traveled together, we did a lot together.

Speaker 1: 4:30

I spent 30 years in the United States Army and she traveled to most of the locations that I was stationed at, and that to me is like, oh my gosh, that's amazing, right. So I say, embrace the change, the difference, with that person not being there, but also understand that everyone's not going to understand what you're going through, because grief is different for all of us. Grief does not happen the same going through, because grief is different for all of us. Grief does not happen the same. And when someone tells a person that's grieving to just get over it, move past it. It's been so many years. That, right there, it makes me upset. Same, I feel the same, right, so no one should be able to tell another person how long they should grieve, and that, right, there is one of the things that I help a person that is grieving to go through and how they can talk to another person about their grief, but also let them know you know it's okay to not be okay and right now I'm not okay, that's right.

Speaker 2: 5:30

No powerful stuff there and talk to me about marketing. How are you getting the word out about what type of services that you offer your clients, what you're able to do and the stories of how you've helped people?

Speaker 1: 5:41

Absolutely so, lil. I have a book that I've written and a workbook to go along with that book to allow clients to find me. So I'm on all social media platforms at. I am Kim Byers. That is I A M K. I M B Y E R S, and I'm on all social media platforms at. I am Kim Byers. That is I-A-M-K-I-M-B-Y-E-R-S, and I'm on all social media platforms Beautiful.

Speaker 2: 6:01

Tell me what you do online, like. What kind of content are you putting out there? Are you turning on a little light, setting up your camera, talking? Are you sharing tidbits?

Speaker 1: 6:10

Tell me so a lot of times I go live, no matter where I'm at. I could be at the zoo, at the park, at the mall, wherever I'm at, I will go live so people can see that getting out in the community and talking about what you do to help others is the best thing. For me is going live. And sometimes, you know, I post different inspirational and affirmations for others so they understand hey, you know, oh, wow, she's going through the same thing. Or hey, she went through the same thing I went through. Maybe she can help me, you know. So I do a lot of that as well okay, love that.

Speaker 2: 6:47

I love that you just like, very like, spontaneous and on the go and like you know what I just something sparked me right now and I want to get this idea out and share it with other people. Hit that live button and I love it.

Speaker 1: 6:58

And hit it right Exactly.

Speaker 2: 7:00

No, that's amazing Thanks yeah, and now tell me a little bit about who you are outside of the work that you're doing, public speaking.

Speaker 1: 7:10

Tell me a little bit about that Outside the public speaking. So, as a coach, as a coach helping others, I enjoy riding motorcycles. Wow, I have a 19 year old son, so I'm a single parent and he's doing his own thing. I enjoy riding, just in general, I enjoy riding. I enjoy putting on different events. By the way, I have an event coming up in August, on the 24th. It's in Woodbridge. It's going to be combat to confidence. So basically, your fight against whatever it is. You're going through adversities, you know life, health, career, relationships, so those type of things are some of the things that make me who I am is allowing myself to get out in the community and help others, especially when it comes to adversity, loss and things of that nature. So that's what I do and I love riding motorcycles. I do.

Speaker 2: 8:03

Wow, can I ask what got you into motorcycle riding?

Speaker 1: 8:06

So when I was 12 years old, I was watching a young lady five years old. Her name was Maya. She was named that because she was born on Cinco de Mayo. So her dad had a track built in their backyard, so I used to go over there and ride the track with her and ever since then I hadn't looked back and I enjoy it.

Speaker 2: 8:22

I love it. It's freeing.

Speaker 1: 8:23

You know it's a freeing experience. It's dangerous, yeah, you have to, just, you know, be mindful of where you are yes. And you know, look, Look out for the folks around you Like you do in the car, drive for everybody else.

Speaker 2: 8:34

Yes, no, I love that for you, like that is so cool, like I love that you have that outlet for yourself.

Speaker 1: 8:40

Oh yes, awesome, it's a good one.

Speaker 2: 8:43

And now can I ask how you are so like, not nervous and brave to go out and talk to people and share your story, because I know that can be very vulnerable. So what advice or tips can you give to other people who are like man, I have this amazing story, I want to get it out there, but I I'm nervous to share this with, like, the public and stand somewhere on a podium and talk to people. Tell me a little bit about that. So Lil.

Speaker 1: 9:08

You know, I think about every time I go out on stage or every time I go out and speak, and I have to think about the authenticity of my speaking and not being nervous. Be transparent, don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Let yourself cry on stage. Let them feel what you're feeling. Let people know that it's okay to not be okay, but also let them know that you're human. You know, because some people hide behind the camera and they're not really authentic, but others can come out and say this is me, this is who I am. I'm looking crazy today, my hair could be all over my head or I'm just not having a good day, but you will know that, hey, I am who I am.

Speaker 2: 9:53

I'm just not having a good day, but you will know that hey, I am who I am Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 9:56

I love that. No, and it shows through like your passion and your confidence. I absolutely love that, thank you. Thanks so much, absolutely. What type of advice could you give to people Maybe somebody who's listening right now and maybe they lost someone recently or previously and they are still unsure of how to cope with it. They are still unsure of how to cope with it. What advice would you like to give them and let them know that, if they need your help, how you could help them or extend your helping hand?

Speaker 1: 10:19

So one of the things that I would tell someone that's going through a loss right now is don't be in a hurry to heal, don't rush it. You know, for me it took almost two years to really really get to that place where I say I'm comfortable about talking about it without breaking down. Now I still get teary eyed, I still think about my mom and my family members that passed on. All the time my brother and I were pretty tight, but I would tell someone don't rush the process process, don't let anyone rush the process with them. And to grab hold of what memories you have of them and memorize them, just say, hey, you know.

Speaker 1: 11:01

Oh, I remember when my mom and I were in England. My mom came to England and she, she and I went to all these different places. She wanted to eat all this amazing food. We like, liked the walks in the park we went to, we went to the Royal palace, we went to Buckingham. So I talk about those things that brought me joy when it came to my mom, and that's what clients I want them to do. This is what anyone that's out there that's grieving. You have to know what made you happy about that person, what made you smile, what made you cry, what made you embrace them and just want to hug on them and love on them and not forget that feeling. So try not to lose that.

Speaker 2: 11:40

Yeah, yeah, that's a good piece of advice there. I want to go back to the part of like you saying don't rush it. Why do you think that there's like a bit of a maybe misconception out there, like, oh, you need to get over it, like why is it like supposed to be a quick process?

Speaker 1: 11:56

Some people that I found. So one of my clients just not to you know, put her business out there but just to say she lost her child at a very young age Right, he was young, and her family members, her co-workers, was like, oh, you need to get over it. You have three other kids. I'm like, no, you shouldn't get over it. You had a child, you lost a child. That's hard, that's not easy for anybody. So I would tell them hey, you know, don't let other people tell you how to feel.

Speaker 1: 12:29

You know there's so many different levels of grief, right, so there's the denial stage. You know there's so many different levels of grief, right, so there's the denial stage. You get anger, you know, you're angry at the situation that happened. Some people get angry with God because they think it's his fault that their child passed away or their loss of a parent or spouse. And it's not. You know. You have to remember all of those things that you are feeling are real and you cannot stop what's going to happen. It's inevitable, right, but we have to be able to walk it, to talk it and to know that eventually we'll be okay. We just have to go through that process, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 13:04

Yeah, it's, it's hard. Yeah, you've got a lot of good piece of advice, which brings me to your book, if you want to talk to us a little bit about that, sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 1: 13:13

So my book grief almost had me. Peace brought me out and it really talks about the level of understanding I had when my mom was telling me how she was feeling. Every day she would tell me something different about what she was going through. I remember the day when she said, kim, I want to cut my hair. I was like you want to cut your hair? And she showed me that she had a handful of hair, so her hair was falling out. So we made an appointment. I took her to get her hair and both of us were just bawling. And that's one of the things you go through, that process, and that's written in my book. It talks about the day she wanted to get her hair cut. It talks about the day when she showed me her tongue, her hands and the bottom of her feet were black from the chemotherapy.

Speaker 2: 13:57

Oh my goodness.

Speaker 1: 13:59

We talk about the mark she had on her head and the base of her neck when she had radiation treatment. So all of those things I write about in my book. But I also talk about the steps that we took together, she and I, because the journey was hers, the hurt was there for both of us, but the journey was really hers, and that's what the book is about is finding that, that peace. To go through those steps, you know, knowing that it's okay to seek professional help. Yeah, because if you are going through something and you feeling like you just cannot pull yourself I mean you literally cannot pull yourself up you need to seek professional help. My son, he said to me, he came to me, he's like Ma, who's supposed to take care of me, because I was laying in bed, I couldn't get up. And he came to me he's like Ma, who's going to take care of me. And I was like, oh my God, I almost forgot I had a child.

Speaker 2: 14:52

I gotta get up yeah, yeah, it can be that blinding. Yes, it's, it's insane and it's not like you're aware of it. Sometimes it's totally just takes over you and you have no control, you don't even notice yourself. So the fact that your son was like hey, mom, and that like sparked and turned a switch on for you like, wow, yeah, I had, I had to get up.

Speaker 1: 15:16

I had to get up, get myself together, push up, pull out and live again. Yeah, you know, I had to do that.

Speaker 2: 15:22

Absolutely. How do you think that? I guess mental health awareness plays a role in loss.

Speaker 1: 15:32

Mental health plays a huge role in loss. If you think about the person that you lost okay, for instance, like my mom. Or let's take my brother, for instance, because my brother was funny my mental health when he passed away was in the toilet. I'm just going to say it was in the toilet. I never expected my younger brother he's not my youngest brother, but he's my younger brother to pass before me before I was like I was devastated with that and my mental health.

Speaker 1: 16:02

I was like God, why, why him? Why? Why are you taking him away from all of us? He had a wife he, you know, he has kids us. He had a wife he, you know he has kids my dad, my sisters, my other brother and it was, like you know, playing tricks on me. I couldn't focus. I couldn't focus at work, I couldn't focus at home. It played a huge part of me and I had to tell my therapist. You know she was like do you want medicine? I was like no, I don't want medicine. I've seen people that take medicine and they abuse the medicine because they're so, so much in pain, they have so much pain in their heart that they abuse the medicine, or they drink, or they they they're doing other things that are detrimental to their health and not thinking about if your loved one was still here, would you still do that? Would they want you to continue to do that? Right? So you have to think about how can I honor the person that I lost.

Speaker 1: 17:04

Not in a negative way but in a positive way. And that's where the change, the switch has to change in your mental you know, because you don't know, you don't understand. But you know it's something that happens to us all. It's going to, but it doesn't feel like it when you're going through it. That's right, yeah.

Speaker 2: 17:22

No, and I know you talked a little bit about the grieving stages. Can you go through those stages with me a little bit and share some insight?

Speaker 1: 17:31

So in the beginning, you know you're in denial. You're in denial because the person that is going through it, you know. They're like, okay, I know it's coming, it's the transition phase, right, the person is in transition. That's the denial from me. And then I'm angry. You get angry. You're like, oh no, this is not happening. You know. And then you dismiss, you dismiss everything. You're like that didn't happen. I'm going to wake up tomorrow. That person is still going to be there. And then it's like, ok, wow, you're very passive about OK, ok, I have to get myself together. What, what am I going to do? What can I do different? And then you're like, okay, I'm trying to accept it, but it's hard, I'm mad. Okay, I can accept it. Now, I can move forward. I can accept what is happening, I've accepted it. Now what do I do? I have to figure out how do I move on from that stage. There's multiple stages and you just don't know.

Speaker 1: 18:39

You could stay in one stage forever some people stay in the anger fate and, yeah, the anger phase for a long time. But some people say, okay, I've accepted it. Now what do I do?

Speaker 2: 18:51

they're lost. They've come to like a little like stump yeah.

Speaker 1: 18:55

It's like what do I do? Do I go left, Do I go right? Do I move from where I am? How, what do I do? And you have to get help. You have to have a support system and my family support system, my best friend support system, my son bless his heart support system.

Speaker 2: 19:13

Shout, son bless his heart support system.

Speaker 1: 19:15

Shout out to son yeah.

Speaker 2: 19:17

Oh, that's amazing, man. Like you know, sometimes like I've had family members that I haven't been close with, but I don't know, I haven't experienced that yet. Yeah, I guess I'm not really close with my family. So I'm just wondering, like, how I will deal when something maybe does occur, I don't know. So that's kind of something for me to think about and take time to think. Okay, these are the stages, like I don't know what I'm going to do, but it helps me prepare a little bit that maybe I'm not going crazy and this is part of that journey of loss, unfortunately. But this is good, because maybe some people are in the same state as me and have not experienced it, or maybe someone super close to them hasn't, you know, gone right that significant event yeah.

Speaker 2: 20:11

So that is crazy. I'm just so inspired that you took, you know, the pain that you went through and kind of almost like honored your mom in a way and have her legacy, like be told, and use that as a way to help other people. I think that's so cool and I think that's just like it's kind of a way, maybe, where you can like you're saying, like I remember we went to Europe, we had a good time. This is kind of like you honoring those good times too, but sharing it with other people and looking at it as a positive where you can help other people, even though there were times that were hard. So I think that's really brave of you to do, and not an easy thing, because maybe some people talk about those good times and they break down and they can't, you know, express how they want to feel because their sadness is like consuming them. So that takes strength so.

Speaker 2: 21:02

I think that is so great, what you're doing and um, do you have like group sessions or anything like that, where people can join you and you can talk to them? They can share their stories?

Speaker 1: 21:10

yes, so we're, um, we're working on master classes. So master classes is what I do. I set up masterclasses online. They're virtual, and I invite folks in to come in and talk about whether it's grief loss, you know whatever they're feeling right then and there, because the difference, you remember the difference between a coach and a therapist are the therapist helps you to go through the process. The coach helps you to go through the process. The coach helps you to get past the grief. So there's a lot of, a lot of things about that. That, um, help in our sessions and our masterclasses. So we talk about those things and I always tell you know the clients I say hey, you know, today, let's talk about the heart.

Speaker 1: 21:54

What is your heart today? How's your heart feeling? Is it whole, is it broken, are you sad, are you happy? And if you are, let's talk about it, because someone here in the group is also feeling the same way you are. You don't necessarily have to tell your story, but tell us exactly what it is you're feeling today, and then we want to write it down, we want to journal about it, because a lot of times we don't really know exactly how to put it into words, but our minds are powerful and we can write about it Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 22:28

Were you someone who wrote a lot growing up as a kid?

Speaker 1: 22:30

I did. Let me tell you, when I first started journaling, I journaled on a napkin, that's the way on a napkin.

Speaker 2: 22:37

That's the way, a napkin.

Speaker 1: 22:38

I was sitting there and I was like I want to write and I just started. I took a napkin and just started writing, right, and my mom was like what are you doing? I said I'm writing. She's like what are you writing? I said just stuff that's in my head. She's like okay. So about two weeks later, she, she, got me a journal, oh, and then she, she, uh, was able to get me a, um, a diary, you know, with the lock on it, perfect.

Speaker 1: 23:00

And I was like, oh, this is perfect, then my brother can't get into it. Yep, yep, only you have that key, that's right. So that was fun for me, and but yeah, I always think back. The very first time I started writing was on the napkin, and ever since then I have so many journals that I've journaled in.

Speaker 2: 23:17

That totally makes sense. You have a book now. It was in your path. You were writing a book because you had a lot to say. You're saying it now. Where do you see yourself in the next five years as a person and with your business?

Speaker 1: 23:30

As a person, I feel like in the next five years I'm going to grow beyond what I ever thought and it's because I can see myself growing just from the things that I do. So from five years from now, I expect my business will really prosper and I'm looking to help multiple people in multiple countries and be able to speak on many stages across the world and just be able to to bring anyone in, no matter what. If you can't afford to, I still want to talk to you. I still want to talk to you about what's going on. You don't necessarily because you know, sometimes people, oh, you can't do it for free, you shouldn't do it for free. Well, sometimes we we need to humble ourselves and give back. So I like that and I want to be able to do that with no problem. So that's where I see my business and professionally and personally just growing in life. I just see it, yeah.

Speaker 2: 24:26

Oh, I love that. I wish you all the luck and I know you're going to be able to do it. Thank you so much. Yeah, absolutely. Is there anything that maybe you want to touch on that maybe I have not asked you about that you want to share with our audience?

Speaker 1: 24:38

while I have you here, let's see, I would definitely like to say that if you feel at any point that you are not getting through your grief in a healthy way, don't forget that professional therapists and psychiatrists are out there for you. You may not necessarily think they're for you, but just have a brief conversation and see if they can help you just a little bit. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid of that, because a lot of times you know it's a stigmatism oh, you shouldn't talk to a therapist, you shouldn't talk to a psychiatrist. They're just going to give you drugs and do that. No, they have a conversation with you. They find out where you are first before they do anything that's, you know, drug related or whatever.

Speaker 1: 25:24

So, I would tell anyone out there listening that's struggling get your coach like me, let me help you. Or get you a therapist. That'll take you to another level. But, I just want to help you grow and get beyond that not to get over it, but to get through it.

Speaker 2: 25:40

Absolutely. I love that. Okay, this is my final question. Is there like a saying or a mantra that you like to live your life by, and could you share that with our audience?

Speaker 1: 25:51

Oh, I love that, yes. So for me it's push up, push out and live again. That, yes. So for me it's push up, push out and live again. Wow, yeah, being in the military, I always think about pushing up, pulling out, trying to do things differently, you know, especially working out. Get that fitness in, stay fit, work out as much as you can, because that helps with your mental as well. So that's what I say Push up, pull out and live again.

Speaker 2: 26:14

Awesome. Thank you so much for being here today and sharing so much good insight and information.

Speaker 1: 26:19

Thank you, Lil, for having me. I really appreciate this today. Oh, absolutely Anytime. Thank you.